oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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