I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
