Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
