I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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