I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
