We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
