if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
