??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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