you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
