i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
