That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
