I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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