I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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