i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
