turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We have started to decorate penises.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
