I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
