Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize