I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
