Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
