Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
