Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
