walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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