Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize