Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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