I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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