Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
