I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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