real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
