lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
