I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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