So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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