Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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