Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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