just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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