I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
