We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
