At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize