currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
