he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize