what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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