It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
