Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
