Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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