You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
