you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
