You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's the barista slut.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
