6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Hippo gnu deer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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