Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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