His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
