Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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