he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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