first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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