How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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