i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
