Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
