chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
ok first of all what the fuck
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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