My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize