so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
