I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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