if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
