His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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