I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
