I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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