I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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