apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
