2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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