And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
