I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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