can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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