This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
