Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
