Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
