when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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