i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
