I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
