At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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