awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
