please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
