i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
