somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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