watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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