I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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