I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
