I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
3pm strippers are depressing
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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