If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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