Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
