so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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