im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize