Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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