I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
