dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
