she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize