he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
