Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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