Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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