Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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