I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
