I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
