Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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