so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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