I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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