speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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