i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
is it fun? or sober?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
