Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
