kristin has been a bad kristin
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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