This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
