and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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