im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
