we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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