i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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