Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
