I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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