Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
