Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
