When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
