Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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