Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
