My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
