Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
