yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
